Costa and Garmston suggest that true mediators monitor themselves for three resources that serve to sustain the mediative process: reciprocity, intention, and desired state.

“When assuming the identity of a mediator, one must also be very clear about intentions. Mediators monitor their own values and realize that although it might be tempting to solve a problem, evaluate, or give advice, they must hold those thoughts in abeyance in order to allow the other person to resolve the situation. Mediators are not “fixers.” Instead, they have faith that others can solve their own problems. Trying to “fix” others detracts from a trusting relationship.”

This is also true when working with groups as a facilitator or group coach. How do you identify your attention prior to working with a person or group? How do you attend to your own metacognition when wanting to default to solving the problems of others? What connections to you make to this capacity and true leadership?

Source: Costa & Garmston (in press). Cognitive Coaching, 3rd edition. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.